Emotional Validation
Did you feel validated during childhood and in your relationship?
Understanding Emotional Validation
n: The Echo that Resonates.
Picture yourself walking without shoes, stepping on hidden sharp pebbles under soft sand. Each step comes with a sting, demanding recognition of discomfort. Now, picture someone beside you, not brushing off the pebbles but kneeling, tracing the outlines of each stone, murmuring, “I see it must.”
Validation mirrors the raw authenticity of one's emotions. The whispered reassurance, "It's okay to have these feelings."
Imagine a child arriving home after a hard day at school, tears on the verge of spilling. Their pain is further invalidated when met with a dismissive "Don't be silly," pushing them into the shadows. Instead, offer a hug and say, "That sounds difficult." Letting a loved one know you understand their upset helps them feel seen. Healing is possible with that statement and applies to all life stages. A friend confessing anxieties about a presentation receives not minimizing platitudes but a concern, “It’s normal to feel nervous.”
Support or validation nurtures thriving relationships. When openly discussing insecurities with a partner, judgment is replaced with reassurance and understanding.
Words alone don't make up emotional validation. It's a tapestry crafted with attentiveness, empathy, and acceptance. The unspoken acknowledgment in a parent's eyes when their child succeeds, the comforting grip of a hand in a tough conversation, and the respectful silence that lets someone fully express themselves.
In a judgmental world, validation becomes a revolutionary act of kindness. It's the seed in fertile soil, nurturing emotions, deepening relationships, and making individuals indeed seen and heard. When validated, we transform from scattered pebbles into powerful waves of emotional truth.
The initial step in validating an emotional response recognizes the other person's emotion. However, it can be difficult if the other person hasn't expressed their emotions, so you may need to inquire about their feelings or make an educated guess and confirm with them.
Here are some examples of validating statements.
I understand why you would feel that way.
That must be tough.
You may feel frustrated.
I'm here to support you.
Examples of statements that invalidate others.
What's all the fuss about?”
“You are too sensitive.”
“If you hadn’t done that, it wouldn’t have happened.”
“I don’t want to hear it.”
“It was your fault.”
“It never happened.”
“You must be sick in the head.”
Why Does Emotional Validation Matter?
Picture yourself exploring a twisting cave, your voice bouncing off wet walls, unnoticed and invisible. Imagine a fellow traveler stepping into the shadows, a hand outstretched, saying, “I hear you.”
Validation goes beyond mere agreement or approval. It’s acknowledging the validity of our feelings, be they joyous shouts or anguished whispers, granting them legitimacy and dispelling the fear of isolation. Strengthening bonds and nurturing mental well-being can be achieved through this simple act, this empathetic echo.
Picture a child returning from a playground, eyes filled with disappointment after losing a game. A dismissive "It's just a game" invalidates their sadness, leaving them stuck in their emotional storm. Instead, a concerned, “Losing must feel awful. ” build their self-worth.
Validation doesn't end in childhood. A friend dealing with career anxieties requires empathy and understanding, not dismissive clichés. “Those doubts are usual. Could you share your most significant worries with me?
In a world often quick to dismiss or judge, validation becomes a revolutionary act of kindness. Planting a seed in fertile ground lets emotions bloom, relationships thrive, and individuals feel acknowledged.
Empathy and validation are a couple. And should become combined and employed together. Unfortunately, many of us are unable to get out of our own heads to realize how much this duo is needed today. Simple questions like “tell me more”, or “what can I do to help”, or “how do you feel about this” are game changers for others who hear and feel our empathy.
My daughter struggled to feel accepted as a high-level tennis team player by older girls on her school team. She felt rejected. She was seeded #2, even though only 14 years old. When I picked her up after practice she began crying. I held her hand as I listened to her feeling of rejection. She wanted to quit because no other girl would speak to her. We discussed more at home. She really loved tennis and didn’t want to quit.
I called the coach that night and let him know what was transpiring. He was a wise man and gathered the team together the next day. During practice, several girls came forward and apologized for their behavior.
That year, my daughter was instrumental in leading that team to their first State Tennis Championship in many years. She was proud of the team and they were proud of her.