Holidays and Family Harmony
Harmony or disharmony?
How to Maintain Peace in the Family During the Holidays
Did you know that holidays bring an increase in the number of heart attacks, according to reports from the Surgeon General's office? Holidays are times of increased stress. There is the stress of making plans, overindulging in rich foods and alcohol, cold temperatures that cause blood vessels to constrict, and delays in seeking medical attention because people do not want to interrupt the holidays. People with existing cardiovascular issues are at risk.
'Tis the season to be jolly, and 'tis the time for some families to bicker and fight. The holidays are for celebrating, socializing, and spending time with friends and family. But past disagreements and hurts carry unresolved resentment that is hard to give up.
Families can argue and bicker on holidays. There are several reasons relatives argue on holidays. What is expected to be celebratory often comes with stress, expectations, and anxiety. Buying the right gifts and preparing a good dinner is difficult under the best circumstances.
When families gather, differing opinions, past grievances, and the stress of planning can create conflict.
Among the past grievances are feelings of jealousy and envy. A brother or sister who has been successful in business or profession and amassed wealth becomes a target of hatred for those who have not fared as well. Sibling rivalries are as old as the biblical accounts of Cain and Able.
These moments can go harmoniously if families consider some approaches they can adopt. There must be open and honest conversations. Discussing the plans, expectations, and possible events can also be helpful before the holiday gathering.
Active listening is a key ingredient in all relationships. It is a skill that focuses on understanding and responding to what someone is saying. It involves paying attention without interrupting, showing empathy, and providing feedback to confirm understanding. It also includes paraphrasing and asking clarifying questions. People want to be heard.
Active listening means not jumping in and interrupting during the discussion.
It is common for families to become embroiled in political arguments. These arguments should be avoided because they can cause hurt and anger, creating permanent alienation. Political arguments, private worries, or ancient family quarrels should be saved for cooler, more private times. The best way to avoid them is to talk about good times together and share warm and wonderful memories of times past and loved ones who have passed.
Gratitude is a powerful practice because it moves awareness from what is going wrong to what is going right. Recognizing the ability to sit together, break bread, or enjoy one's company could pull families together. Thanking individual contributions, big and small, to your family can also foster goodwill.
Humor is very effective. It will help everyone at the table loosen up, as lightness can diffuse tension. A moment of stress can turn bad and laden with despair into gentility, with hugs and even laughter.
Most importantly, if you need to step away, do it. When emotions threaten to boil over, take five minutes to collect your thoughts or enjoy the silence to help prevent tension from escalating. Finding your way back into the group clears your mind and keeps the day's fun.
The holidays are crucial for reconciliation with family, celebrating through traditions, and creating memories. With understanding, patience, and kindness, family gatherings need not end in crises and angry conflicts. There can be moments of family joy, sharing, and what the season is all about.
I used to suffer stress from those family gatherings, but always did my best. Now my stress comes from missing and not having (older) family members around to even consider gathering with them. ;(
Great topic! Very timely. Blessings
Excellent advice. Thanks. I don’t expect to experience any disharmony.