The Complex Dynamics of Spousal Abuse

The causes and barriers to leaving abusive relationships

One of the key reasons an abused spouse remains in or returns to an abusive relationship is the profound psychological impact of abuse. Abusers often employ psychological weapons such as manipulation, threats, or control mechanisms to erode the victim's self-worth and independence.

Over time, this can lead to the condition known as learned helplessness, where the victim feels incapable of escaping the situation or improving their circumstances. The abuser may swing between times of intense abuse and affection, a cycle that fosters hope and despair, confuses the victim, and makes leaving even more difficult. This emotional rollercoaster can be overwhelming for the victim, evoking a sense of empathy in the audience. In addition, the history of the victims of abuse is a childhood affair where they saw their parents abusing each other, or, in at least one case, one parent abused the child. Another major hindrance is economic dependence.

For many abused spouses, financial dependence on the abuser is a stark reality. They often lack the means to support themselves and their children, with the abuser's control over various resources, such as material possessions, money, employment, or education, further reinforcing this dependency.

The threat of poverty, homelessness, or not being able to care for children may make the alternative to staying appear worse. Social isolation complicates the situation even further for the victims of abuse. Abusers often isolate their victims from friends, family, and other support networks, making it hard for them to turn to for help or advice. The stigma of domestic abuse amplifies the victim's shame and concern for public perception.

The lack of a supportive network can make leaving seem even more daunting. The fear of escalation and retaliation is yet another crucial factor. Victims, far too often, fear that leaving will provoke yet more violence or retribution from their abusers. This fear, rooted in the real threat of severe injury or death, can keep victims locked in from harm to themselves or their loved ones, making the audience understand the gravity of the situation.

Another critical reason victims return to abusive situations is their emotional attachment and hope for change. Despite the abuse, victims often maintain feelings of love for their abuser and hope that they can change. These sporadic acts of kindness or remorse by the abuser can feed hope, creating a cycle of abuse and reconciliation that is incredibly difficult to break.

The legal system may not always provide adequate protection or support to the victims. Getting a restraining order is complicated, even when it is enforced. Many cases have ended in tragedy when the order of restraint is violated, and the abuser commits murder.

In addition, the legal process can re-victimize and be terrifying for the victim if children are present. When a couple has children, they will go through family court to get divorced. Throughout my years as a psychotherapist, many clients I have treated, both male and female, have stated that the judges in family court are biased and often side. This problem is complicated and involves psychological manipulation, economic dependence, social isolation, cultural norms, fear of retaliation, emotional attachment, and systemic obstacles.

Power and control in the relationship are major contributing factors to abuse. Abusers will seek power and dominance over their partners, often using violence to support this need for control. This behavior is attached to ingrained gender roles and expectations, wherein one partner feels they have a right to control the other. Social norms and cultural practices that encourage male dominance and female submissiveness can help promote such notions while cultivating an environment where abusive behavior is condoned as permissible or even deserving.

Psychological variables are also primarily involved in partner abuse. The perpetrators of such violence may have psychological disorders such as personality disorders, depression, or substance abuse problems. These types of psychological disorders cause difficulties in controlling emotions and behaviors and result in violent actions. Many abusers have also had experience witnessing or being involved in violence in their childhood. Childhood violence normalizes such behavior, increasing the likelihood of abusive actions in relationships.

Other important factors that cause spouse abuse are stress and economic pressure. Economic problems, job losses, and other misfortunes end with tension in the family because, most times, conflicts engender violence—the abuser resorts to violence to cope with feelings of helplessness, frustration, and failure. The inability to cope with stress due to increased societal and family expectations could escalate to spousal abuse.

Another cause for spouse abuse is poor communication and unresolved marital conflicts. The misunderstandings may lead to frustration, confusion, and bitterness among the partners, which, if not resolved, may escalate to either physical or emotional abuse. A couple may turn violent when they have no appropriate way of resolving disputes in the relationship or act as a punishment for their spouses.

Societal factors, including inadequate legal protection and support systems for victims, further exacerbate spousal abuse. Many times, victims remain in such relationships because of fear, a lack of financial independence, or social stigma. Insufficient legal measures and support services may not offer the resources for the escape and seeking of safety by victims, further perpetuating the cycle of abuse.

Societal views on violence and masculinity could also worsen spousal abuse. In such cultures, men may feel pressured to conform and exude their masculinity by establishing control over their female partners through violence and dominance. So, tolerating violence can create an atmosphere where abusive behavior goes unchallenged.