The Imposter Syndrome
Tomorrow, I will move into my senior retirement residence. I had a long talk with a good friend of mine. We focused on the anxiety I was feeling about this move. He pointed out that I have lived alone since my wife died almost ten years ago, and this move will allow me to meet people and socialize. That is the problem. I'm feeling anxious about socializing. Will people accept me when I sit at a table with people I've never met before at breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
What my friend and I find so interesting is that I was asked to lead a grief support group. My friend and I met almost fifty years ago while training as mental health specialists. In addition, I have two Masters Degrees, a PhD in Social Psychology, Certification as a Psychoanalyst, and years of experience as an Adjunct Professor in Psychology at Mercy College in Westchester, New York. My friend and colleague is a Clinical Psychologist and leader in the American Psychological Association.
So, what does all of this say about me? What it says is that I suffer from Imposter Syndrome.
Imposter Syndrome is the feeling that you do not deserve your success or are not as competent as others believe you to be. It creates a sense of self-doubt, even in highly skilled and experienced people. Instead of recognizing our accomplishments, we convince ourselves that we have somehow fooled others into thinking we are more capable than we truly are.
In my case, I have spent my life working in psychology, teaching others, and helping people through difficult times. I have the education, training, and experience to support my knowledge. Yet, I feel nervous when I think about sitting at a table with strangers in my new residence. When I consider leading a grief support group, I wonder if I am truly the right person for the job. Some of me whisper that I am not qualified despite the facts proving otherwise.
This is what Imposter Syndrome does. It makes us doubt ourselves. It tricks us into thinking our success was because of luck, not skill. It convinces us that people will eventually discover that we do not know what we are doing.
Imposter Syndrome is not limited to academics or professionals. It can affect anyone. Parents may feel like they are not good enough mothers or fathers, despite doing everything they can for their children. A young adult starting a new job may feel like they do not belong, even if they were chosen from many applicants. An artist or writer may think their work is not as good as others say it is.
One of the most difficult things about Imposter Syndrome is that it does not go away just because we gain more knowledge or experience. Sometimes, the more we know, the more we feel like we do not know enough. The pressure to be perfect, to never make mistakes, or to always have the right answer can feed this self-doubt.
So, how do we deal with it? The first step is to recognize it for what it is. When I tell myself I am not good enough, I must stop and ask, is that true? What evidence do I have to support that thought? My qualifications and experience are real. The support I have given to others over the years is real. The trust people have placed in me is real.
It also helps to talk about these feelings with someone else. My friend reminded me of my strengths, just as I have reminded others of theirs throughout my career. Sometimes, we need to hear from the people who know us well that we are not imposters.
Another important step is to accept that no one is perfect. No one has all the answers. No one gets through life without making mistakes. That does not mean we are frauds. It means we are human. Instead of focusing on what we lack, we must recognize what we bring.
Moving into a new place and meeting new people is a challenge but also an opportunity. It is a chance to share what I know, to learn from others, and to form new connections. It reminds me that just because I feel uncertain does not mean I do not belong.
Imposter Syndrome may not disappear completely, but I can choose not to let it control me. The next time I sit down at a table with strangers, I will remind myself that I have something to offer. And when I lead that grief support group, I will remind myself that my experience, knowledge, and compassion make a difference.
Most of us feel like imposters. But the more we acknowledge and push past those feelings, the more we realize that we are exactly where we should be.
I don't recall ever hearing the term "Imposter Syndrome" until recently. I understand however what is like to feel inadequate in the ways you have described and it seems to me that many of those things are natural feelings for many. I think from knowing you here for sometime now, that you will do fine once you are settled in to your new home. Sending hugs to you Allan.
It's so lovely to meet someone who has had a similar career. Thank you for being so kind and approving of my writing. You have a good attitude about moving into a senior retirement residence. I am still struggling to believe and accept how old I am.