The Weight of Worry: Reflections on Aging and Introspection

In fact this is a description of ME!

A Poem of Worry by Mary Oliver 

I worried a lot. Will the garden grow, will the rivers
flow in the right direction, will the earth turn
as it was taught, and if not how shall
I correct it?

Was I right, was I wrong, will I be forgiven,
can I do better?

Will I ever be able to sing, even the sparrows
can do it and I am, well,
hopeless.

Is my eyesight fading or am I just imagining it,
am I going to get rheumatism,
lockjaw, dementia?

Finally I saw that worrying had come to nothing.
And I gave it up. And took my old body
and went out into the morning,
and sang.

This great poem describes me, and I have never met Mary Oliver, and I’m smiling.

Mary Oliver's poem expresses the universal battle with worry and the freedom that can come when we release it. It opens with an exploration of the unwavering nature of anxiety and how it burrows into the fears of ordinary life events. Such concerns attempt to exert control over things we have no control over. They reveal how, in the human search for stability, so much can weigh on the mind, including things well beyond our grasp. And that is called OCD.

Chronic doubts about right and wrong, forgiveness, and constant questions about past mistakes and future expectations are hallmarks of worry and OCD. Feelings of inadequacy accompany the self-criticism. The poet compares the ease and joy of the sparrows with her inability for such pleasure. This comparison suggests a universal fear that we are not enough and missing some vital qualities that others seem to get so easily.

As the poem progresses, the concerns turn toward the inevitable facts of aging and mortality. There are worries about deteriorating eyesight, rheumatism, and dementia. The poem expresses Mary Oliver's fears about decline, energy loss, and independence. I know these fears all too well, and they become more significant the longer we live. That is why the poem is anchored to the human experience.

The turning point arrives knowing that worrying has done nothing. This moment of clarity offers a deep release. The poet sees no use in shouldering the load of these worries and chooses to put them down. In doing so, she goes through a transformation from inward-focused anxiety to outward-focused action and joy. The image of taking her "old body" out into the morning and singing celebrates life as it is, imperfections and all. It is a moment in which she picks joy back up again and takes part in what is glorious about being alive, though there is no guarantee that it holds."

Oliver's poem tells us that life is not to be lived through a heavy cloud of worry. She tells us to let go of the need for control, accept the here and now, and muster the guts to sing our song, however broken or unassured it might feel. In the end, it is not  worrying that matters; it's being able to look past the worry and wake up in the morning and step foot into the warm morning sunlight with a heart open to the beauty and possibility of the world.