Balancing Self and Society: The Timeless Wisdom and Message of Ancient Teachings

We must both take good care of ourselves and be responsible for the well-being of others.

We are a national and world community

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me?

And if I am only for myself, who am I?

If not now, when?"

Over the years, I've had many discussions with clients who aren't even aware they are not taking care of themselves. They are often so absorbed in caring for aging parents or children for various activities that they neglect themselves. When I pointed this out to them, they provided one of two responses: 1. They didn't want to be selfish. 2. They were unaware. How often have I told people that the word selfish is given a bad name?

According to Webster's Dictionary, selfish means being concerned excessively or only with oneself: seeking or concentrating on one's advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others. Many of these clients misunderstand the genuine concept of being for yourself first. We cannot be involved in caring for the well-being of others until we first take care of our needs. To have enough energy to care for others, we must first care for ourselves, which is the main point. That is what the first line of that ancient quotation means: "If I am not for myself, who will be?"

For example, how can a mother take good care of her baby without a good meal and some rest? A good meal after some rest gives her the energy to care for her baby. Otherwise, she will come to feel resentment. I know it's the point that many people misunderstand. If we don't first take care of ourselves and put other people first, most of us come to feel resentful because we're not taking care of our own basic needs. We must fulfill those needs, and then we can serve and help others.

On the other hand, we have a responsibility to other people after our own basic needs are fulfilled. The following is a real example:

Many years ago, I was driving home from work along the Westside Highway in Manhattan in a massive snowstorm. Traffic was moving very slowly and often stopped. There was a family standing outside of their car that had broken down. Snowfall was heavy, and it was cold outside. I was driving slowly in my warm car, and I felt comfortable. As I stopped to help this family, I noticed many other cars driving past and ignoring this vulnerable family standing in the snowstorm and the middle of the highway. No one stopped to help. And the reason was apparent. They were a black family. I stopped because my conscience would not allow me to drive past as others did. They happily accepted my offer of help and entered my car. I drove them home. “If I am for myself only, what am I?” If not at that moment, when?

One of the most quoted utterances by the Jewish sage Hillel addresses three deep elements of human responsibility: self-care, care for others, and urgency of action.

The first part, "If I am not for myself, who will be for me?" points to personal responsibility. It means nobody is more interested in our well-being, needs, and growth than we are.

We must take charge of our lives, dreams, and actions rather than rely on others to decide. Nobody else can do that wholly on their behalf when one doesn't look after their physical and emotional needs. Self-responsibility calls for self-awareness and personal accountability, thus demanding a call where every individual should take the initiative for their well-being and progress.

The second part of the saying, "But if I am only for myself, what am I?" balances such self-care with moral and ethical responsibility for other people. Otherwise, we lose a feeling of relatedness with others, and the human community is lost. My fear is that is what is happening in America.

The teaching demands we remember our duties and responsibilities regarding other people. How we interrelate with and care for those around us builds identification, and compassion, empathy, and service to others are everything. Being for oneself only leads to selfishness, closing oneself off from others, and losing moral grounding. Hence, Hillel challenges us to balance being concerned about ourselves and being concerned for others, proposing that it is in this balance that we find our real character.

The last part, "If not now, when?" speaks to the desperate and urgent cry for action.

Massive deportations of illegal immigrants from Haiti and Venezuela are what MAGA Republicans under Donald Trump demand. That ignores the needs of these people who came to America in the hopes of fulfilling the dreams of all people who enter the United States. I want to point out to my readers that we do not see millions of people attempting to enter China, Russia, or Iran.

The wisdom of Hillel’s teaching is that altruism is demanded from all people. This would imply a clarion call to personal development, ethical conduct, and timely action in a pragmatic world where self-interest and collective responsibility should balance a meaningful life.

The quotation carries a timeless message about focusing on individualism and collective well-being. It requires personal and social responsibility and the urgency of crucial action to solve today's pressing problems.

The last part of the saying, "If not now, when?" speaks to urgency. Tempting to believe we can delay action and wait for the ideal time in a crisis-ridden world. That is especially so in America, where debates about social justice, climate change, and healthcare often result in stalemates with no action being taken across the aisle. This part of the saying is the question that ensures people get past their procrastination or avoidance of hard choices.

This ancient saying is urgent for the United States and the world community today.