Thanks for this. It helps me to understand the difference between my outlook on the world and yours. My Dad and Mom were tremendously loving and supportive parents, and they loved each other and always treated each other with deep respect. They were exceptional role models for my two younger brothers and me, and encouraged each of us to be whatever we wanted to be. They instilled us with great self-confidence, focus and a strong work ethic. Mom, who died at age 49, was a perfect mother. Dad, who died at 71, was an all-state athlete, a scholar and a war hero, with an indomitable spirit. When it came to parents, I won the Powerball. But I understand that perhaps we were the exception and that many such as yourself had struggles and long-lasting effects that have taken a great deal of character and courage to overcome. Even within my own extended family there are a few who have had these challenges but emerged to be successful. I have great admiration for them, and for you too.
Many thanks, Allan, for your courage, your honest, and your trauma informed important work as a psychotherapist. I was a psychiatrist who did supportive psychotherapy, although insurance companies frowned on me doing so, as my "job' was "just to write the prescriptions". I personally relate to much of your story and found the term "emotional abandonment" validating and liberating in my recovery journey through alcoholism-addiction and CPTSD from childhood sexual, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual abuse. Both of my parents were abandoned by their opposite sex parent, my grandparents I never met, and my father was actively abandoned by his father after his mother died and grandfather started another family, leaving my father and his sister (who drank herself to death by 50) with their grandparents. I believe that we are evolved as members of clan/band social groups, who looked after the children as their own and numbered less than 150, the Dunbar number. So many of us are now too much alone and unloved. My favorite line from the 12-step "Alcoholics Anonymous" book, pg. 60, is: "We asked for his protection and care with complete abandon", as its author. Bill Wilson, was an abandoned child and knew the emotions you describe in your heart felt piece here. Have a blessed evening and know that WE are not alone anymore.
What happens when a whole subculture grows up living in an internal war? My childhood was similar, my dad's whole family, alcoholic Germans to a man, terrorized their children and abused their wives like it was normal and expected. That was the generation that gave us the Nazis back in Germany. Some Black subcultures do that too, and generations of kids don't know what success in life is. And I think of the jihadists Muslims, known for their domestic violence, turning out violent young men and terrorized women by the droves. Could a therapeutic information campaign be developed at some level, government or cultural - music and movies - to intervene?
Thanks for this. It helps me to understand the difference between my outlook on the world and yours. My Dad and Mom were tremendously loving and supportive parents, and they loved each other and always treated each other with deep respect. They were exceptional role models for my two younger brothers and me, and encouraged each of us to be whatever we wanted to be. They instilled us with great self-confidence, focus and a strong work ethic. Mom, who died at age 49, was a perfect mother. Dad, who died at 71, was an all-state athlete, a scholar and a war hero, with an indomitable spirit. When it came to parents, I won the Powerball. But I understand that perhaps we were the exception and that many such as yourself had struggles and long-lasting effects that have taken a great deal of character and courage to overcome. Even within my own extended family there are a few who have had these challenges but emerged to be successful. I have great admiration for them, and for you too.
Marc your thoughtful response means a lot to me.
I love the honesty of your writing. It is very thought provoking and helps me make more sense of things I have experienced. Thank you.
Melinda thank you
Many thanks, Allan, for your courage, your honest, and your trauma informed important work as a psychotherapist. I was a psychiatrist who did supportive psychotherapy, although insurance companies frowned on me doing so, as my "job' was "just to write the prescriptions". I personally relate to much of your story and found the term "emotional abandonment" validating and liberating in my recovery journey through alcoholism-addiction and CPTSD from childhood sexual, physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual abuse. Both of my parents were abandoned by their opposite sex parent, my grandparents I never met, and my father was actively abandoned by his father after his mother died and grandfather started another family, leaving my father and his sister (who drank herself to death by 50) with their grandparents. I believe that we are evolved as members of clan/band social groups, who looked after the children as their own and numbered less than 150, the Dunbar number. So many of us are now too much alone and unloved. My favorite line from the 12-step "Alcoholics Anonymous" book, pg. 60, is: "We asked for his protection and care with complete abandon", as its author. Bill Wilson, was an abandoned child and knew the emotions you describe in your heart felt piece here. Have a blessed evening and know that WE are not alone anymore.
What happens when a whole subculture grows up living in an internal war? My childhood was similar, my dad's whole family, alcoholic Germans to a man, terrorized their children and abused their wives like it was normal and expected. That was the generation that gave us the Nazis back in Germany. Some Black subcultures do that too, and generations of kids don't know what success in life is. And I think of the jihadists Muslims, known for their domestic violence, turning out violent young men and terrorized women by the droves. Could a therapeutic information campaign be developed at some level, government or cultural - music and movies - to intervene?