Meandering Thoughts on Family, Friends and Substack

And I love Substack.

My Best Friend, Nikki. We are inseparable

As a retired psychoanalyst, clinical social worker and social psychologist I want to let the reader know that this essay is an example of free association. It is not grammatically corrected and has many errors. I wanted it that way. This comes from my gut, spontaneous and probably not making a whole lot of sense. I want it that way. I have not proof read this essay, made no correction, not checked the facts, etc. I hope you enjoy and tolerate what what make no sense at all.

I write this spontaneously as I'm about to give up my wonderful condominium and enter a senior independent living center. I'm saying good bye to friends I've met here who promise to join me for meals either at the center or at a restaurant or at their homes. Friends are good people to have. Family is also a good thing to have.

I remember a time when a psychologist wrote that family stifles individuality. I confess I do not remember who made that statement, but I clearly remember it. Whether I remember the psychologist name or not the fact is that the emphasis in America and in western society has been on individuality And not the well-being that comes from Group connectedness and family connectedness. I had a good example of the importance of family this past weekend.

My daughter and son-in-law came to my house and helped pack up everything in preparation for my move to the independent living facility. Even before that, it was my daughter Rachel, who went to A Place for Mom and learned about the best locations for older people like myself to live in with comfort. She found the place and all of us and that includes both of my daughters and both of my son in law Visited the senior center took the tour spoke to people had breakfast there and thoroughly appreciated the place and being with each other.

From the moment we are born, it is our loving connection with our mother that builds the beginning of our sense of security in this world that is further supplemented by our relationship to our father And extended family and that includes grandparents and brothers and sisters and cousins and uncles and aunts. As we grow, we form friendships with other youngsters in our neighborhoods than at school and in college. From the beginning of our lives, it is social connectedness in our relationships to other people that is the very foundation of our lives, our health, and by that I mean both our physical and mental health and our all around well-being.

As part of this in no way will I forget to mention my wonderful grandson. He is now almost 16 years old and towers over me in height. He is a wonderful kid and I am so proud of him. And that is the point that I am making. There too, our family and our family relationships are responsible for so many important things, including the building of the next generation.

For those who are either religious or even agnostic, religious affiliation is an important way to connect with people. That comes in the form of attending either Church be a Christian or Catholic or the Synagogue if you were Jewish or the Mosque if you are Islamic. Those are places Where there are more sources of social connectedness and for those who are religious these are also places to connect with God. Harold Kushner wrote about this in his classic book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People. He was a reform Rabbi and the book is for everyone and is a world wide hit.

And let us not forget the importance of friends. Even at my age, I have friends I have known for 45 to 50 years. I know some people who are my age and whose friendships stretch all the way back to elementary school. In my case, I have lost track of those people And I write that with a sense of regret.

And I am proud to say that one of my very good friends is a rabbi and a Reform Rabbi, and she has been a friend to the family and now a friend of mine. In fact she is a close friend and I value her friendship not because she is a retired Rabbi but because she is Deborah, my friend.

Finally, I will continue my writings on Substack. I have made some good friends here. Most are interactions on Substack but two have crossed over into more personal and direct contact and it's a great pleasure to know them.

And let me not forget my best friend of all, Nikki. We rescued each other and she is coming with me to the senior center. I would have it no other way and they are very accommodating to furry friends.

So, enough rambling for now. see you on Substack.

And please leave many comments.