Dr. Schwartz has hit the nail on the head here. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve winced at seeing parents hit young children in already stressful situations…. “Box” stores late at night, when children were tired or hungry, in long lines - expected to be patient and wait. I even witnessed, to my horror, a parent nearly side-swipe me in my car as he then came to a screaming stop. He got out of his truck cab and climb into the back seat to berate and hit his child in front of my eyes. I called 911.
When my daughter was eight years old, and getting plenty sassy (and not liking some of my behavior either) I devised an effective behavioral exercise for the two of us to negotiate “peace” and mutual respect. She and I agreed upon 8 behaviors we wanted to see improved in BOTH of us. She was allowed to name behaviors she wished to see me improve, and I, hers. These daily calendar lists for each month were taped to our kitchen chalkboard.
Each night we took 5 minutes together to “grade” each other -in open negotiation discussion- on how we performed on our behavior metrics each day. Believe it or not, the dialogue was pretty honest on both sides.
This built a common trust, respect, and understanding about expectations (which continued to be negotiated) for three months. After that time, no more “tracking was needed.
We celebrated our successes often with ice cream sundaes at our local creamery bar. And, in addition, we talked about how effective our exercise had been. I know this has carried on into my daughter’s life in the professional ways I see her handle discord.
Dr. Schwartz has hit the nail on the head here. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve winced at seeing parents hit young children in already stressful situations…. “Box” stores late at night, when children were tired or hungry, in long lines - expected to be patient and wait. I even witnessed, to my horror, a parent nearly side-swipe me in my car as he then came to a screaming stop. He got out of his truck cab and climb into the back seat to berate and hit his child in front of my eyes. I called 911.
When my daughter was eight years old, and getting plenty sassy (and not liking some of my behavior either) I devised an effective behavioral exercise for the two of us to negotiate “peace” and mutual respect. She and I agreed upon 8 behaviors we wanted to see improved in BOTH of us. She was allowed to name behaviors she wished to see me improve, and I, hers. These daily calendar lists for each month were taped to our kitchen chalkboard.
Each night we took 5 minutes together to “grade” each other -in open negotiation discussion- on how we performed on our behavior metrics each day. Believe it or not, the dialogue was pretty honest on both sides.
This built a common trust, respect, and understanding about expectations (which continued to be negotiated) for three months. After that time, no more “tracking was needed.
We celebrated our successes often with ice cream sundaes at our local creamery bar. And, in addition, we talked about how effective our exercise had been. I know this has carried on into my daughter’s life in the professional ways I see her handle discord.
Please call me Allan. Yes it’s terrible but I’m pleased that you called 911
I wrote a comment but I think it didn’t go through. Anyway I said please call me Allan and I am so glad you called 911
This is some great advice. I fully agree with this. If only more older folks would understand this.
Thank you. It means a lot that you sgree