I was a nail-biter, starting around 3 years old, and engaged in NSSI until a couple years ago. The two biggest moments in my healing process were when I said to my mom, “I’m not afraid anymore” and when I looked into the mirror and said to myself “I’m sorry I hurt you.” It now makes sense why I was the way I was. Thank you.
My first moment of awareness of self-harm came from childhood, when I my mother found tiny balls of my tangled hair hidden behind my bed’s headboard.
Those treasured hair balls, to me, were like trophies. I found relief in twisting my hair around my fingers until it knotted, then giving it some time to further knot into a ball until my fine hair started to break. I liked feeling my thin hair between my fingers and especially liked the sound this made. I was an odd child, we can all laugh about it now so no worries ☺️
Eventually my hair would loosen enough and I would quickly pull a thin piece out of my head. I don’t recall the pain from this process, only recalling the curiosity I had as a child of the process behind.
I'm 46 now, and have had most body disorders assigned in various stages of life. Therapies, yoga, meditation, breathwork and 12-step programs over 2 decades have led to success.
My personal testimony ties into a nature vs nuture debate since I'm the product of a teenage pregnancy, fostered and adopted - ending with 8 parents in total.
These conditions tie into an absence of self-love and appreciation. Feelings lacking in validation and unworthiness. Same (dis)eases that drive a mind mad with addiction.
But in opposition is connection. I have to feel authentically connected to a higher purpose and with others around me offering support, otherwise self-depreciation is the first impulsivity felt.
I was a nail-biter, starting around 3 years old, and engaged in NSSI until a couple years ago. The two biggest moments in my healing process were when I said to my mom, “I’m not afraid anymore” and when I looked into the mirror and said to myself “I’m sorry I hurt you.” It now makes sense why I was the way I was. Thank you.
Will that is powerful and thank you for sharing
Thank you
Very helpful information. Recommended reading.
Thank you
This was very informative. I was a terrible nail brighter as a child. I wouldn’t doubt it’s from anxiety and the other reasons you mentioned.
Glad I got some insight into why.
Glad it helped
My first moment of awareness of self-harm came from childhood, when I my mother found tiny balls of my tangled hair hidden behind my bed’s headboard.
Those treasured hair balls, to me, were like trophies. I found relief in twisting my hair around my fingers until it knotted, then giving it some time to further knot into a ball until my fine hair started to break. I liked feeling my thin hair between my fingers and especially liked the sound this made. I was an odd child, we can all laugh about it now so no worries ☺️
Eventually my hair would loosen enough and I would quickly pull a thin piece out of my head. I don’t recall the pain from this process, only recalling the curiosity I had as a child of the process behind.
I'm 46 now, and have had most body disorders assigned in various stages of life. Therapies, yoga, meditation, breathwork and 12-step programs over 2 decades have led to success.
My personal testimony ties into a nature vs nuture debate since I'm the product of a teenage pregnancy, fostered and adopted - ending with 8 parents in total.
These conditions tie into an absence of self-love and appreciation. Feelings lacking in validation and unworthiness. Same (dis)eases that drive a mind mad with addiction.
But in opposition is connection. I have to feel authentically connected to a higher purpose and with others around me offering support, otherwise self-depreciation is the first impulsivity felt.