A strong spiritual life is also great protection for any child. If you're raised in a family that values you, that has good communication and can listen and support you, that's a huge advantage.
My mother didn't value me much. At age 10, she ran into the kitchen after I'd done something wrong and screamed at my father, with me in hearing range: "I DON'T WANT HIM! I DON'T WANT HIM! I DON'T WANT HIM!"
I walked into the kitchen, repeating that over and over and over again.
The war didn't end until a few months before her death.
She basically tore out my self-esteem and replaced it with self-loathing.
Ironically, as much as I hate bullies, to this day, I have a sneaking admiration for them, be they dictators like Hitler and Stalin, or mobsters, or schoolyard mongos.
They do what they want, get what they want, and nothing stops them. They wind up running the world. Gentle and compassionate people don't have the force or cynicism to become kick-butt dictators.
I can relate. My mom said as much. I ended up in South America to get as far away from her as possible. I forgave her and it helped. I made up a mental ritual where I put all of my negative feelings toward her into a black helium balloon and release the string. Any visual you make up will work, if you're sincere. I do it repeatedly whenever the memory of abuse comes up.
I appreciate what she contributed to my biology and the fact that I'm here. So I'm able to feel grateful. Having that kind of start in life can make you very strong and self sufficient.
My children will not be allowed unfettered access to these things until they are emotionally ready. They just don't need that. Worst part, so much of the bullying is done by adults. Studies have show being divorced from face to face will even make sweet gran into a a keyboard bitch.
Long before there was cyberbullying, there was teen suicide. It's just gotten worse.
I tried it myself as a teenager, when my teachers were driving me to despair.
Obviously, I failed. I'd rather not rehearse it...I've done so elsewhere on Sub Stack.
But now the Internet has enabled Queen Bees and Schoolyard Bullies to undertake their hateful missions on global scales, posting memes that make their targets the objects of worldwide scorn, hatred, and contempt.
I have often said it: the Internet is the best thing to happen to the Schoolyard Bully or the Queen Bee since the invention of lunch money.
They talk about dealing with bullies through intervention at higher levels, but I think the only way to deal with them is the scene in "A Christmas Story" where Ralphie beats the living tar out of Scut Farkus, leaving him covered with his own blood.
Once the bully is physically beaten, his cowardice and weakness exposed, he loses his power.
Queen Bees are a different story.
Nina Feinberg used me as a punching bag from kindergarten to the 9th grade. She ran her coven because she dictated to them everything from what makeup to wear to which schoolmates to loathe. She based all her orders on the views of her "sophisticated" older sister.
One time our middle school physics teacher gave us a free period as a reward for us doing well on a test. I was sitting at a desk, playing a wargame with a pal, when Nina started taunting me. I tried to ignore her and focus on how US troops would invade the Persian Gulf oil fields.
Nina put her sneaker on the game map and yanked it off the desk, sending cardboard counters flying.
Without a word, I whirled on her and punched her in the nose.
Everyone was stunned that the class f**** nerd punched the Queen Bee in the nose, especially the teacher, who yelled at me.
Nina shut up, though.
I picked up the pieces -- the game was over. As I did, a couple of guys came over to me, and thanked me for what I did. "I don't agree with you much, Lippman," one said. "But that was a good thing you did." They were tired of her verbal abuse, too.
I don't remember if she stopped taunting me after that, but I went to Stuyvesant High School, the city's top academic institution, which gloried in having not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Nobel science laureates among its alumni. She and her coven went to a nearby chi-chi private Quaker high school. We never spoke again.
However, she did far better than me.
She became Executive Producer of "The Golden Girls."
I also posted an article on cancel culture recently and now stumbled upon your amazing post, do you think cancel culture is also a form of cyberbullying?
A strong spiritual life is also great protection for any child. If you're raised in a family that values you, that has good communication and can listen and support you, that's a huge advantage.
I wrote about that on my Sub Stack, too.
My mother didn't value me much. At age 10, she ran into the kitchen after I'd done something wrong and screamed at my father, with me in hearing range: "I DON'T WANT HIM! I DON'T WANT HIM! I DON'T WANT HIM!"
I walked into the kitchen, repeating that over and over and over again.
Her fury fell and she tried to back-pedal.
Didn't work. Didn't get any better.
I am sorry you had to go through that
I wrote about this here on Sub Stack.
The war didn't end until a few months before her death.
She basically tore out my self-esteem and replaced it with self-loathing.
Ironically, as much as I hate bullies, to this day, I have a sneaking admiration for them, be they dictators like Hitler and Stalin, or mobsters, or schoolyard mongos.
They do what they want, get what they want, and nothing stops them. They wind up running the world. Gentle and compassionate people don't have the force or cynicism to become kick-butt dictators.
I can relate. My mom said as much. I ended up in South America to get as far away from her as possible. I forgave her and it helped. I made up a mental ritual where I put all of my negative feelings toward her into a black helium balloon and release the string. Any visual you make up will work, if you're sincere. I do it repeatedly whenever the memory of abuse comes up.
I appreciate what she contributed to my biology and the fact that I'm here. So I'm able to feel grateful. Having that kind of start in life can make you very strong and self sufficient.
There is a real shortage of spirituality in our world and let's not confuse religion and spiritually.
I don't believe God cares which path you take as long as you're moving in God's direction.
Deb, what you have and are doing for your mental and spiritual self is wonderful
I wrote about what I did with Mom's cremains here on Sub Stack in my three-part essay on Mathematics and Me.
I hurled them in the Hudson River. After saying the prayer for the dead, I chewed her out. Then I sang Johnny Cash's "Cut You Down."
It helped.
We know best what "ritual" is called for. 😉
Yup
My children will not be allowed unfettered access to these things until they are emotionally ready. They just don't need that. Worst part, so much of the bullying is done by adults. Studies have show being divorced from face to face will even make sweet gran into a a keyboard bitch.
That is tragically correct. It just goes to show that with age there Does Not necessarily come wisdom
Long before there was cyberbullying, there was teen suicide. It's just gotten worse.
I tried it myself as a teenager, when my teachers were driving me to despair.
Obviously, I failed. I'd rather not rehearse it...I've done so elsewhere on Sub Stack.
But now the Internet has enabled Queen Bees and Schoolyard Bullies to undertake their hateful missions on global scales, posting memes that make their targets the objects of worldwide scorn, hatred, and contempt.
I have often said it: the Internet is the best thing to happen to the Schoolyard Bully or the Queen Bee since the invention of lunch money.
All of us have to fight them.
They talk about dealing with bullies through intervention at higher levels, but I think the only way to deal with them is the scene in "A Christmas Story" where Ralphie beats the living tar out of Scut Farkus, leaving him covered with his own blood.
Once the bully is physically beaten, his cowardice and weakness exposed, he loses his power.
Queen Bees are a different story.
Nina Feinberg used me as a punching bag from kindergarten to the 9th grade. She ran her coven because she dictated to them everything from what makeup to wear to which schoolmates to loathe. She based all her orders on the views of her "sophisticated" older sister.
One time our middle school physics teacher gave us a free period as a reward for us doing well on a test. I was sitting at a desk, playing a wargame with a pal, when Nina started taunting me. I tried to ignore her and focus on how US troops would invade the Persian Gulf oil fields.
Nina put her sneaker on the game map and yanked it off the desk, sending cardboard counters flying.
Without a word, I whirled on her and punched her in the nose.
Everyone was stunned that the class f**** nerd punched the Queen Bee in the nose, especially the teacher, who yelled at me.
Nina shut up, though.
I picked up the pieces -- the game was over. As I did, a couple of guys came over to me, and thanked me for what I did. "I don't agree with you much, Lippman," one said. "But that was a good thing you did." They were tired of her verbal abuse, too.
I don't remember if she stopped taunting me after that, but I went to Stuyvesant High School, the city's top academic institution, which gloried in having not one, not two, not three, but FOUR Nobel science laureates among its alumni. She and her coven went to a nearby chi-chi private Quaker high school. We never spoke again.
However, she did far better than me.
She became Executive Producer of "The Golden Girls."
I also posted an article on cancel culture recently and now stumbled upon your amazing post, do you think cancel culture is also a form of cyberbullying?