Anyone want to start an oline support group, for free, I could facilitate, for those who are suffering the scars of family scapegoating, especially for those of us who are older? Just an idea, a thought from an old retired psychotherapist, former social worker,/psychologist.
I pressed the like button not because I like what happened to you but because I understand. Please consider psychotherapy for trauma. It's important you not allow your parents to win and the way to do it is to live your life to the fullest and feel good about yourself. Please let me know how you are doing.
For myself EMDR helped the most. My family looked good on paper and their intentions were good well-respected people in the community. Most parents have a good intentions. They are long gone now and I understand them now. It still hurts, even now as a middle-aged woman
I was tagged ‘too sensitive’ because I kept asking what is wrong. I knew and could feel something was wrong within our family of six children, mother emotionally vacant and narcissistic father constantly abandoning us. As I child I didn’t understand. Now I clearly see I wanted the truth, but the others did not want to see. I’m 71 and still consider the trouble maker because I go to therapy. I’ve been to to let it go. “ your childhood has nothing to do with who you are now,” said my sister. I have painfully learn thanks to Covid, isolating from them is best for me.
Wendy, be the trouble maker. Good, If they don't like it, tough on them. I'm a retired psychotherapist, I'm 82, and I have worked for multiple years with survivors of abuse just as you describe and experience. I'm retired but I am hearing from more people with just this set of problems. Question, should we start an online support group for free, I could be the facilitator. What do you think?? You can reach me, if you wish, at dransphd@gmail.com. But if you do not wish that is perfectly fine. No pressure, none.
Yes it does not have to be the parents. I have seen situations like yours. However, the parents ignored the abuse. I don't know if that happened to you.
This is a fascinating post. I cannot relate to all of this, but I feel there are tinges of this in the lives of people close to me. Thank you for enlightening me.
I identify with all of this, and it has pretty much ruined my life. I have no siblings, so it all got dumped on me. Now I have CPTSD. You never really recover, no matter how much therapy you have.
I've been the family scapegoat all of my life and it's still going on. It all started with my narcissistic mom and I was humiliated, called names, like fat and stupid and I was laughed at when I had asthma attacks and I couldn't breathe and I thought I was going to die. And I was never taken to the doctor as a child for asthma or any other reasons and I was never taken to the dentist, but all of my other siblings went to the doctor and dentist regularly. My siblings were allowed to call me names and noone ever said anything about it and everything was my fault. As a child I was blamed for the electricity bill and I wasn't allowed to play outside with the other kids because I had to stay inside and clean the whole house. My brothers and sister had no chores. I stayed up all night coughing from asthma and I had to go to school and try to function after staying up all night. In all of my childhood pictures I was never smiling and I was hoping so much that someone would take me away from there. My mom would humiliate me in front of my older teenager brother and his older friends about my body parts and personal issues that were private. My children and grandchildren have been exposed to my family and their negative feelings towards me and it just never ends. I know that I've done nothing wrong to deserve any of this and I have been so depressed and it's
getting worse and the anxiety and my stress and lack of motivation is really bad right now. I'm 62 and I'm not sure what to do about it but I feel so alone and my brother and sister can still say hurtful things to me and mistreat me and ignore me when I talk. I lost my reason and I'm trying to think of something else to motivate me. Your article about scapegoating was really good and it gave me a lot of information that I didn't know about but it was 100 percent true about my family and my life. Thank you so much.
Patti, I have worked with many clients with exactly the same profile. Psychotherapy definitely helped. You were and continue to be traumatized by by this family. I don't know you entire story and am now retired otherwise I would offer you psychotherapy. Essentially, you need trauma therapy. One suggestion, if it is practical at this point in your life, is to cut ties with these abusive people. Are you married, do you have children and grandchildren? I ask because that could be a great help to you. If not then there are many support groups out there. In any case, there is trauma therapy and support groups. Would you keep in touch with me? My most direct email is dransphd@gmail.com. Please keep in touch. I welcome hearing from you.
I was the scapegoat in a very religious, educated and conservative family I was also the middle child. I was my own person, I was also active child with adhd who was creative. I would later rebell against religion, cut church and hang out with the "bad kids" who weren't really bad. They "bad kids" were more real than the others and as an adult they were the most authentic. My mom told me later she didn't understand me growing up, but I was just a little girl. I walked to the beat of a different drummer and went to cosmetology school over college. I got married young, maybe because they didn't approve of my relationship with my husband. He was from a catholic family and he had long hair and in a rock band. We were also doing what other teens do while dating and unapproved and sinfull. They grew to love my husband, but the scars are there. My brother and sister went to college and married. I worked as a hairstylist for over 20 years and am no a business owner in the pet care industry. I am respected and well liked but I still feel like an alien. The childhood wounds don't go away, even in therapy. I have become the strongest child I think, but not without pain
Anyone want to start an oline support group, for free, I could facilitate, for those who are suffering the scars of family scapegoating, especially for those of us who are older? Just an idea, a thought from an old retired psychotherapist, former social worker,/psychologist.
I would love to if there is anyone else who is interested. Thank you for your kind words.
Patti I will see what I can do about starting such a group.
I pressed the like button not because I like what happened to you but because I understand. Please consider psychotherapy for trauma. It's important you not allow your parents to win and the way to do it is to live your life to the fullest and feel good about yourself. Please let me know how you are doing.
For myself EMDR helped the most. My family looked good on paper and their intentions were good well-respected people in the community. Most parents have a good intentions. They are long gone now and I understand them now. It still hurts, even now as a middle-aged woman
I was the scapegoat in this. It started from my parents, and they encouraged my younger sister too.
This has caused a lot of damage in me.
I was tagged ‘too sensitive’ because I kept asking what is wrong. I knew and could feel something was wrong within our family of six children, mother emotionally vacant and narcissistic father constantly abandoning us. As I child I didn’t understand. Now I clearly see I wanted the truth, but the others did not want to see. I’m 71 and still consider the trouble maker because I go to therapy. I’ve been to to let it go. “ your childhood has nothing to do with who you are now,” said my sister. I have painfully learn thanks to Covid, isolating from them is best for me.
Wendy yes it's important that you ignore them.
Wendy, be the trouble maker. Good, If they don't like it, tough on them. I'm a retired psychotherapist, I'm 82, and I have worked for multiple years with survivors of abuse just as you describe and experience. I'm retired but I am hearing from more people with just this set of problems. Question, should we start an online support group for free, I could be the facilitator. What do you think?? You can reach me, if you wish, at dransphd@gmail.com. But if you do not wish that is perfectly fine. No pressure, none.
You are probably the strongest of all. Going to therapy takes strength and is healthy for everyone
Jane I agree
I was the family scapegoat, but it did not stem from my parents, it stemmed from my half sister who was 20 years older than me.
Yes it does not have to be the parents. I have seen situations like yours. However, the parents ignored the abuse. I don't know if that happened to you.
I'm so sorry Pam. I'm just reading this now.
This is a fascinating post. I cannot relate to all of this, but I feel there are tinges of this in the lives of people close to me. Thank you for enlightening me.
You are more than welcome
I identify with all of this, and it has pretty much ruined my life. I have no siblings, so it all got dumped on me. Now I have CPTSD. You never really recover, no matter how much therapy you have.
I want to suggest that you try somatic psychotherapy. Have hope, you can recover and I believe that.
I've been the family scapegoat all of my life and it's still going on. It all started with my narcissistic mom and I was humiliated, called names, like fat and stupid and I was laughed at when I had asthma attacks and I couldn't breathe and I thought I was going to die. And I was never taken to the doctor as a child for asthma or any other reasons and I was never taken to the dentist, but all of my other siblings went to the doctor and dentist regularly. My siblings were allowed to call me names and noone ever said anything about it and everything was my fault. As a child I was blamed for the electricity bill and I wasn't allowed to play outside with the other kids because I had to stay inside and clean the whole house. My brothers and sister had no chores. I stayed up all night coughing from asthma and I had to go to school and try to function after staying up all night. In all of my childhood pictures I was never smiling and I was hoping so much that someone would take me away from there. My mom would humiliate me in front of my older teenager brother and his older friends about my body parts and personal issues that were private. My children and grandchildren have been exposed to my family and their negative feelings towards me and it just never ends. I know that I've done nothing wrong to deserve any of this and I have been so depressed and it's
getting worse and the anxiety and my stress and lack of motivation is really bad right now. I'm 62 and I'm not sure what to do about it but I feel so alone and my brother and sister can still say hurtful things to me and mistreat me and ignore me when I talk. I lost my reason and I'm trying to think of something else to motivate me. Your article about scapegoating was really good and it gave me a lot of information that I didn't know about but it was 100 percent true about my family and my life. Thank you so much.
Patti, I have worked with many clients with exactly the same profile. Psychotherapy definitely helped. You were and continue to be traumatized by by this family. I don't know you entire story and am now retired otherwise I would offer you psychotherapy. Essentially, you need trauma therapy. One suggestion, if it is practical at this point in your life, is to cut ties with these abusive people. Are you married, do you have children and grandchildren? I ask because that could be a great help to you. If not then there are many support groups out there. In any case, there is trauma therapy and support groups. Would you keep in touch with me? My most direct email is dransphd@gmail.com. Please keep in touch. I welcome hearing from you.
I was the scapegoat in a very religious, educated and conservative family I was also the middle child. I was my own person, I was also active child with adhd who was creative. I would later rebell against religion, cut church and hang out with the "bad kids" who weren't really bad. They "bad kids" were more real than the others and as an adult they were the most authentic. My mom told me later she didn't understand me growing up, but I was just a little girl. I walked to the beat of a different drummer and went to cosmetology school over college. I got married young, maybe because they didn't approve of my relationship with my husband. He was from a catholic family and he had long hair and in a rock band. We were also doing what other teens do while dating and unapproved and sinfull. They grew to love my husband, but the scars are there. My brother and sister went to college and married. I worked as a hairstylist for over 20 years and am no a business owner in the pet care industry. I am respected and well liked but I still feel like an alien. The childhood wounds don't go away, even in therapy. I have become the strongest child I think, but not without pain