My parents were horrible and they were supposedly Christians but my narcissist mom died in 2013 and I still think about those terrible things that she did to me and my dad is 90 and he is dying now of cancer and he always thought of me as a nobody and he's being nice now for the first time ever. But I will never forget how awful my childhood was. My parents even talked bad about me to my children. My parents both acted like angels at church and around their church friends and they had a different face depending on who they were around but they were like devils when they were at home and noone was around. In all of my childhood pictures I was never smiling, not even when I was a baby. I still don't know why they had me. My other siblings have a completely different story than me about our childhood because I was treated so differently than them. When my dad is gone there will be three of us left in my immediate family. I'm guessing my brother and sister will still treat me the same way. Whoever was the meanest to me go extra brownie points and were the golden child of the day. But I have never been mean to anyone in my family no matter what they did. I think I turned out to be the only normal one in my family even though I was mistreated the most. I think there are more narcissists in my family. I found out that my daughter is a couple years ago and that broke my heart because my son passed away ten years ago when he was 33 years old. He was the sweetest person in my life and I miss him so much.
Patti, hi I am so sorry you had that experience. One thing I forgot to mention in my essay is what you just wrote. That is that abusive parents at home present themselves as the nicest people in public. It’s a terrible thing. It is good that you are able to know it and acknowledge it. I don’t know if you have been to therapy or not, but if you haven’t been or you have been and it didn’t work, I just want to tell you that it should be a very specific type of psychotherapy in which you are helped by the therapist to confront the feelings that you had at the time these things happened. your parents talked to your own children about you. It’s just astonishing after more than 40 years of private practice that I am shocked or I should say still shocked when I hear this. I guess my point is that it’s never a shoulder shrugging type of thing. I hope your children are doing well and it’s important that you be able to reduce the awful feelings that you have. The reason I say that is that you deserve to feel good about yourself. I had to have a good life. I just curious about your marriage and how that’s going and I hope and pray it is going well and that your children are healthy. Please feel free to write to me anytime you wish. Yes I’m retired, but I am always interested and wanting to help so you can reach out to me if you wish. Thank youfor being open and honest about yourself your experience and your life.
Hello. If I may, I have worked with this kind of situation as well, I can't help but inquire: Was alcohol a part of any of this history? Do you have a support group? Where are you in the birth order? Sometimes all of those help to gain clarity and there are support groups where you would hear yourself coming and going. You are not alone.
I'm pretty new here. Is this directed to the chat? Is direct message part of the chat? I have a hard time navigating around my own page. Is it poor Substack etiquette to address in comments? Thanks for direction.
Thank you. I checked to see whether my e mail is in my bio. Don't see it. I have been having a conversation in direct message....when I succeed in finding it. That would seem to be the way to respond. An invitation to DM in Substack.
My parents were horrible and they were supposedly Christians but my narcissist mom died in 2013 and I still think about those terrible things that she did to me and my dad is 90 and he is dying now of cancer and he always thought of me as a nobody and he's being nice now for the first time ever. But I will never forget how awful my childhood was. My parents even talked bad about me to my children. My parents both acted like angels at church and around their church friends and they had a different face depending on who they were around but they were like devils when they were at home and noone was around. In all of my childhood pictures I was never smiling, not even when I was a baby. I still don't know why they had me. My other siblings have a completely different story than me about our childhood because I was treated so differently than them. When my dad is gone there will be three of us left in my immediate family. I'm guessing my brother and sister will still treat me the same way. Whoever was the meanest to me go extra brownie points and were the golden child of the day. But I have never been mean to anyone in my family no matter what they did. I think I turned out to be the only normal one in my family even though I was mistreated the most. I think there are more narcissists in my family. I found out that my daughter is a couple years ago and that broke my heart because my son passed away ten years ago when he was 33 years old. He was the sweetest person in my life and I miss him so much.
Patti, hi I am so sorry you had that experience. One thing I forgot to mention in my essay is what you just wrote. That is that abusive parents at home present themselves as the nicest people in public. It’s a terrible thing. It is good that you are able to know it and acknowledge it. I don’t know if you have been to therapy or not, but if you haven’t been or you have been and it didn’t work, I just want to tell you that it should be a very specific type of psychotherapy in which you are helped by the therapist to confront the feelings that you had at the time these things happened. your parents talked to your own children about you. It’s just astonishing after more than 40 years of private practice that I am shocked or I should say still shocked when I hear this. I guess my point is that it’s never a shoulder shrugging type of thing. I hope your children are doing well and it’s important that you be able to reduce the awful feelings that you have. The reason I say that is that you deserve to feel good about yourself. I had to have a good life. I just curious about your marriage and how that’s going and I hope and pray it is going well and that your children are healthy. Please feel free to write to me anytime you wish. Yes I’m retired, but I am always interested and wanting to help so you can reach out to me if you wish. Thank youfor being open and honest about yourself your experience and your life.
Hello. If I may, I have worked with this kind of situation as well, I can't help but inquire: Was alcohol a part of any of this history? Do you have a support group? Where are you in the birth order? Sometimes all of those help to gain clarity and there are support groups where you would hear yourself coming and going. You are not alone.
Sandra, excellent questions. Patti I hope you respond but I understand about privacy.
I'm pretty new here. Is this directed to the chat? Is direct message part of the chat? I have a hard time navigating around my own page. Is it poor Substack etiquette to address in comments? Thanks for direction.
Sandra, there is a direct chat but I'm no so sure about it's privacy. I suspect it would be best to use email.
Thank you. I checked to see whether my e mail is in my bio. Don't see it. I have been having a conversation in direct message....when I succeed in finding it. That would seem to be the way to respond. An invitation to DM in Substack.
Yes. I have a hard time figuring it out each time.
Amazon always sees to it that people get where Amazon wants them. :)